Right now, I want to
cry my eyes out
take back everything I said
die a slow, painful death for being such an idiot.

A couple months ago, I admitted to having a crush on a friend.
Today, I finally confessed my feelings to her, despite knowing that there was no way on God's green earth that she would ever like me back.
After school, she called me aside and told me everything I expected her to say -- that she only wanted to be friends, that she still wanted to be friends, that she didn't want our relationship to be anything else.
I was able to pull off a good smile and not cry until I was alone. That can be accredited to the school social worker.

But, right now, I can barely see through the tears in my eyes.
Even though I saw it coming, it still hurt to hear everything.
She will still be a friend, even though I am still in love with her.
She will still be a friend, meaning I will never experience the joy of holding the one I love in my arms.
She will still be a friend, and I will only cry about it when I'm alone.
She will still be a friend, and she will never love me back.

Also, I have a feeling I'm about to fail two classes.

So, as you can expect me to say, the suicidal thoughts that have been haunting me for 8 years now are returning. I'm back to hating myself again. I'll probably go visit the school social worker again, she'll hand me a box of tissues again, and she can give me advice that will be overruled by my petty emotions in a month again.

[link] I made a video to vent some emotions